Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize