Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
