So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
