My liver just broke up with me...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
