Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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