I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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