I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I will pee on everything he values.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
