Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
