Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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