evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
