Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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