Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
