found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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