i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
