I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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