i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
