If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
