i don't like sucking hair
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
