best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
