Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
