In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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