What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
