im about as happy as oj after his trial
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
