party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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