She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
