dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
