peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
