I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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