mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
