tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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