but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
