i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
