Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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