Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize