I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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