She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The air was thick with penises
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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