Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
