There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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