There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
