i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
