i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
