i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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