Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
