someone get that fucking seahorse.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm always down for nudity.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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