I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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