i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
