this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
