i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
