Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
