from now on my penis is your penis
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize