john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
it glows. i had to have it.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
