you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
