It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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