I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
