Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
