Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
