I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
