This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
