the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
