I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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