I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
