My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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