sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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