i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
