9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
