i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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