and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
