If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
