He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize