I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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