I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
