I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
